I CAN MOONWALK!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize