She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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