it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
