just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
