yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And then my night got REAL pukey
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize