Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
