I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
