i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
