Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
