I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
