OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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