I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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