so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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