hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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