this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
