So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
