And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
