end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
