Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Randomize
