we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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