She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
