He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
