He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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