Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
