I am midnight drunk by noon
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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