just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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