I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
