I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize