Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
