I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
