Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
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