If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
