we have pet lesbian snakes
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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