I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We are two peas in an std pod
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
