The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
operation have a gay friend backfired
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
