I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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