I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
