Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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