you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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