Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
