So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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