Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
