I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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