u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
