From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize