lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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