how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
