i just had sex bonerless
I've blown a few things in my day
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Bring me that man meat
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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