i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
