i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The air was thick with penises
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
