Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Two words: nipple clamps
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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