I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
