i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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