so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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