it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize