I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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