The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
