Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
