fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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