no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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