When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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