How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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