Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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