my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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