i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
