Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
