i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
