I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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