I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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