I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
