i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
