If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
