i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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