My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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