Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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